Sean’s Espresso Martini (A Cautionary Tale)
Everyone knows the moment the night truly begins isn’t when the doorbell rings or the wine gets opened.
It’s when Sean reaches for the espresso machine.
Earlier in the evening, he’s all restraint. He drinks lite beer. He clears plates. He listens politely while someone explains their new sourdough starter. But once dinner winds down, once the kids are asleep and the house settles into that soft, humming quiet, Sean’s eyes flick toward the counter.
“Anybody want an espresso martini?” he asks casually.
He already knows the answer.
Sean doesn’t mix drinks—he performs them. Sleeves rolled up, forearms unfairly muscular for someone holding a cocktail shaker, he moves with the calm confidence of a man who has made this drink hundreds of times and will absolutely make it again whether you want one or not.
The grinder whirs. The espresso machine hisses. The blue heeler lifts its head, annoyed by the noise, while the black lab watches like this is the most important moment of the night.
Milanda leans against the counter, pretending she’s not impressed, even though she always is. She’s seen this ritual enough to know what’s coming: vodka measured by feel, coffee liqueur poured with a generous hand, espresso so fresh it’s still steaming when it hits the ice.
“Just one,” someone says.
Sean smiles. That’s the first mistake.
He shakes like he means it. Ice cracking, foam forming, the kind of shake that makes you believe in effort. He strains the drink into a chilled glass, topping it with a thick, velvety crema and three coffee beans placed just right.
Silence follows the first sip.
Then:
“Holy shit.”
“Why is this so smooth?”
“Wait—there’s caffeine in this?”
Sean shrugs, humble in victory. “It’s balanced.”
By the second round, laughter is louder. Stories get longer. Someone brings up something they definitely shouldn’t. By the third, Milanda quietly switches to water, having learned this lesson years ago.
Sean, however, is just getting started.
“Last call,” he announces around midnight. No one believes him. The espresso machine fires up again. The foam is perfect. The guests are wide-eyed and absolutely wired.
By the time they leave, it’s late—too late. Hugs are dramatic. Promises are made. Someone says, “We should do this more often,” even though everyone knows they’ll need three business days to recover.
Milanda wipes down the counter, the smell of coffee and vodka lingering in the air. Sean rinses the shaker, still buzzing, still smiling.
“Too much?” he asks.
She laughs. “Just enough.”
And somewhere between the empty glasses, the exhausted dogs, and the quiet house finally settling back into sleep, Sean’s espresso martini earns its reputation once again—not just as a drink, but as the reason no one ever leaves early.
☕ Sean’s Espresso Martini
Strong arms. Strong opinions. Very strong drink.
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Best Served: After the kids are asleep and no one has to drive anywhere
Ingredients (per drink):
- 1 ½ oz good vodka
- 1 oz coffee liqueur (Kahlúa or similar)
- 1 oz freshly pulled espresso (this part matters)
- Ice
- 3 coffee beans, for garnish (non-negotiable)
Instructions:
- Pull the Espresso
Brew a fresh shot of espresso. Don’t use old coffee. Don’t ask if drip is fine. Sean will know. - Fill the Shaker
Add vodka, coffee liqueur, and hot espresso to a cocktail shaker. Fill generously with ice. - Shake Like You Mean It
Shake hard for 15–20 seconds. You’re not chilling the drink—you’re building the foam. This is forearm work. - Strain & Serve
Strain into a chilled martini or coupe glass. You should see a thick, creamy foam on top. - Garnish
Place three coffee beans gently on the foam. One for health, one for wealth, one for staying up way too late.
🖤 Sean’s Rules:
- No shortcuts.
- No blender.
- No more than two… unless it’s a good night.
- If someone says, “I don’t usually like espresso martinis,” pour one anyway.
🕛 Milanda’s Warning:
These drinks will:
- Make everyone very chatty
- Extend the night by at least two hours
- Result in texts the next morning asking for “that recipe”